Friday, February 5, 2010

a nice butt kick - identity crisis

God's been kicking my butt lately. For the past few months, I've been struggling with my identity. He's called me out over and over but keeps hitting me hard with these questions.

Who am i trying to make myself out to be?
What do I emphasize to others (small group, blog, friends, etc)?
What lies am I putting on as my wardrobe each day?
Why am I ignoring my identity in Christ?

I feel like I put on this facade that our life in Colorado (and in general) is perfect. Part of that is that I don't want to complain about stuff or be negative on my blog. I want it to be a happy place.

But that's not reality.

We are a normal married couple. We argue. We get bored. We struggle with sin, selfishness, anger, bittnerness.


We are so secluded here. I hurt. I miss home. I'm lonely. often...

But what I show is that I get to stay at home most days and craft and be a wife and live a near perfect life. I busy myself with crafts, sewing, etsy, nannying, cooking, cleaning, you name it. I busy myself to the point where I completely shut out the Lord because I know He is going to tell me to stop.

be still.

come to me.

sit with me.

know me.

but instead i seek other things to comfort and find my identity. When my identity in Christ has hope, future, promises, love, grace, and forgiveness...I instead cover that to find my identity in things that I am good at or enjoy doing. These things are worldly, fleeting, fading, and just plain silly in comparison to the joy I'll receive in heaven. Especially when I make them idols.

I'm getting to the point where I have lots of readers that aren't just my friends & family (thanks google analytics). I just don't want to make the mistake of being "fake fruit" as my friend Michelle calls it. Shiny on the outside but when you open it up, its empty and fake.

Although I share the fabric finds, crafts, etsy favorites, our Colorado adventures, and all the fun stuff...know that that isn't all there is. I'm in no way perfect and I don't strive to be...at least most of the time ; ) I'm just a ragamuffin rambling on.

But I AM a daughter of the most high King. He will continue to grow me as I have many more identity crises....or any type of crisis for that matter. He will call me out on my crap and I will have to deal with it.

We are called to be the salt and the light of this world. (matthew 5:13-14) Not the sugar and spice. (that was so lame, but you get the picture)

I hope that you will seek the idols and crap that you hide and deal with them. Seek forgiveness. Find peace.


love.

4 comments:

  1. Thanks for being my friend, neighbor.

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  2. Poignant and very well said. Remember, if you were not already living as a child of God, you wouldn't have the strength or courage to see the flaws in yourself.

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  3. Thanks for sharing this Kim. It always helps to know that someone else understands what you're struggling with... and this is such an encouraging word! :]

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