Wednesday, June 23, 2010

wholly yours...sometimes?

my heart has been processing this whole post for a while. I'm not sure that I have still even fully processed it...but my heart is being changed and challenged. You get to read about it. 

Lucky you. (THICK sarcasm) 

(all song lyrics are in mustard)


so this song has been one of my favorites for many years. if i have my journal and this song comes on my ipod...i feel like i write the whole thing down haha. it's just one of those songs that never gets old in my book. my favorite part, hands down has been at the bridge, when Crowder sings 

"so here I am, all of me. finally...EVERYTHING.

i love that so much i have it painted on a canvas in our living room. now, can i sing that or pray that daily? negative. is that my heart on most days? no. absolutely not. i wish. YET...

from the broken earth,  flowers come up... pushing through the dirt.

in the midst of our selfishness & pride, the Lord insists on working through us. ummm what? why?

i'll never get it. 

but i'll always be thankful. thankful that He works through more than just Matt Chandler, Kari Jobe, Mark Driscoll, Shane & Shane, Robbie Seay, Jeff Johnson (Jeff...not Jack), David Crowder, and Bethany Dillon. He persists to work through a WRECK like me...even when I have days that I want to take credit and praise for my work. He brings good through this...even when I fail him. 

example: Love146. He humbles me every month when I want to buy something from J. Crew or Anthropologie. Instead, I send that little chunk of profit to Love146.  

Because I'm holy? Because I'm a good person? ha. NO. Because He has laid that on my heart and I can never take credit for the good He's doing there. 

the harder i try the more clearly can i feel the depth of our fall and the weight of it all.

He can do so much with that $25-$50 each month...girls get RESCUED from slavery. CHILDREN get saved from sex trafficking. and I want to spend it on a cardigan? sheesh. I told you my heart was messed up.

God blesses us with a gift. singing, athleticism, craftiness, being eloquent, whatever. and we take credit for it. (so stupid) but, isn't that just like us? stained with dirt.  prone to depravity. selfish. prideful. sinful.
 BUT I rest in the fact that...

your grandness in me is making me clean. 

that's what our relationship with the Lord is supposed to look like, yet we say "look at me" "look what i did" "look how cool i am" 

((cringe))

are our hearts allowing Him to be known and make us clean? are we seeking to purify our lives & our actions?

if the rest of this post has been garbage to you, PLEASE read this

 i want you to know my heart and i want you to call me out when you feel like my heart has been taken over by a need for recognition, a desire to be heard, desperate for attention. when i show you something i make, know that i don't want bragging rights or endless praise in comment form. sure, i'd love to get feedback, that's one of the reasons i made this blog in the first place. however, i want you to see that the Lord has gifted me and that I'm desiring, now more than ever, that all praise returns to the source.

In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven. matthew 5:16

thanks for letting me process this on here & actually reading it. search your heart. be encouraged. feel loved. do something bigger than yourself. 

love.

16 comments:

  1. Wow, I feel like you wrote that just for me today, I have been struggling with pride and selfishness this week like crazy. It's so hard! Beautifully written post - thank you!

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  2. wonderful babe, I'm so thankful for your heart.

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  3. what beautiful truth. I'm so thankful for the encouragement that God can provide, even through a sister in Christ whom i have never met :)
    Ps- when i find myself needing to reevaluate and refocus on Christ, my purpose, and His heart-- i listen to Lecrae "Don't Waste Your Life" The lyrics hit hard. Just a recommendation!

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  4. i love that song! "from the broken earth, flowers come up... pushing through the dirt." that part is just so beautiful... it's like Jesus alive in us, making us beautiful. it's all Him. :)

    lovely post. thanks for sharing what is on your heart!

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  5. What a beautiful post! I totally agree about certain songs never getting old. My favorite (and for me, the most convicting) song I have ever heard is 'world's apart' by jars of clay. It's old, but it seriously gets me every time I hear it. I listened to a podcast of Matt Chandler this morning and he talked about some of these things. Great post!
    Margaret

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  6. Beautiful post Girl. I love the last verse you posted. Such a great truth.

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  7. loved this post. thanks for being real before us. it is refreshing.

    (blogged about you today!)

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  8. girl, your transparency is so appreciated and inspiring. thanks for sharing. i think its a good reminder for us all.

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  9. what a beautiful and inspiring post kim!! thank you for sharing your heart. and for giving me much to meditate on. i really need to seek God more in how i use my resources -- that is such a difficult area!!

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  10. beautiful, friend. i can't wait to see how much God does through YOU...and, for the record, i think you're pretty cool. :)

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  11. love the post, hun. what an awesome reminder for all of us!

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  12. so truly amazing. thoughtful. raw. love. you are a beautiful person!
    smiles,
    gina
    ps-i have been reading your blog for awhile now and never got the impression that you were "bragging" about your talents. :) Just to let you know..:)

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  13. Love you lots. Thanks for putting the lyrics in mustard yellow, too :)

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  14. I love how you have a desire for the praise return to the Source of the gift. It's great to have a humble heart. I also have a desire for my talents to point back to Jesus. I appreciate the openness and honesty in your post!

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  15. kim.. i am excited to find your blog. and happy to say CONGRATS. you won yesterday's giveaway. hooray for you. please email me your prize pick and your shipping address. thanks so much.

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  16. I saw this band back when I was in college - they are very powerful.

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