my heart has been processing this whole post for a while. I'm not sure that I have still even fully processed it...but my heart is being changed and challenged. You get to read about it.
Lucky you. (THICK sarcasm)
(all song lyrics are in mustard)
so this song has been one of my favorites for many years. if i have my journal and this song comes on my ipod...i feel like i write the whole thing down haha. it's just one of those songs that never gets old in my book. my favorite part, hands down has been at the bridge, when Crowder sings
"so here I am, all of me. finally...EVERYTHING."
i love that so much i have it painted on a canvas in our living room. now, can i sing that or pray that daily? negative. is that my heart on most days? no. absolutely not. i wish. YET...
from the broken earth, flowers come up... pushing through the dirt.
in the midst of our selfishness & pride, the Lord insists on working through us. ummm what? why?
i'll never get it.
but i'll always be thankful. thankful that He works through more than just Matt Chandler, Kari Jobe, Mark Driscoll, Shane & Shane, Robbie Seay, Jeff Johnson (Jeff...not Jack), David Crowder, and Bethany Dillon. He persists to work through a WRECK like me...even when I have days that I want to take credit and praise for my work. He brings good through this...even when I fail him.
example:
Love146. He humbles me every month when I want to buy something from J. Crew or Anthropologie. Instead, I send that little chunk of profit to
Love146.
Because I'm holy? Because I'm a good person? ha. NO. Because He has laid that on my heart and I can never take credit for the good He's doing there.
the harder i try the more clearly can i feel the depth of our fall and the weight of it all.
He can do so much with that $25-$50 each month...girls get RESCUED from slavery. CHILDREN get saved from sex trafficking. and I want to spend it on a cardigan? sheesh. I told you my heart was messed up.
God blesses us with a gift. singing, athleticism, craftiness, being eloquent, whatever. and we take credit for it. (so stupid) but, isn't that just like us? stained with dirt. prone to depravity. selfish. prideful. sinful.
BUT I rest in the fact that...
your grandness in me is making me clean.
that's what our relationship with the Lord is supposed to look like, yet we say "look at me" "look what i did" "look how cool i am"
((cringe))
are our hearts allowing Him to be known and make us clean? are we seeking to purify our lives & our actions?
if the rest of this post has been garbage to you, PLEASE read this:
i want you to know my heart and i want you to call me out when you feel like my heart has been taken over by a need for recognition, a desire to be heard, desperate for attention. when i show you something i make, know that i don't want bragging rights or endless praise in comment form. sure, i'd love to get feedback, that's one of the reasons i made this blog in the first place. however, i want you to see that the Lord has gifted me and that I'm desiring, now more than ever, that all praise returns to the source.
In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven. matthew 5:16
thanks for letting me process this on here & actually reading it. search your heart. be encouraged. feel loved. do something bigger than yourself.
love.