I made a vow to myself (and to whoever follows me on twitter) that I wouldn't complain for this entire week. I said I wouldn't complain about the heat, the food, the transportation, anything. Let me just be honest with you, I've complained a lot, just not on the interwebs. ;)
what? sue me.
I'll give you a heads up. This post isn't me complaining...but I am going to be real with you. Hopefully, you will leave this page today encouraged. My hope is that you will maybe gain some hope that you aren't the only one struggling. My hope is also that you will leave with some peace in your soul.
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Being over here has brought a lot of sins to the surface that I was pretty good at hiding. It also has brought a lot of sins to the surface that I didn't even realize I was struggling with. It's become an explosive combination.
I keep finding myself being, not just a tiny bit, but completely overcome with..
jealousy
anger
fear
bitterness
contempt
pride
It's not pretty, y'all.
It's all just eating me up. I've been wondering why, all of a sudden, I can't shake these evil evil things. I pray against it (briefly), and notice it in myself, but I still find myself cussing in my head at the boat crew who made us late to class, or at the foreign workers who stare at me constantly.
On our way back to our island after class on Monday evening, I saw a tugboat...and it hit me. This is exactly what I'm doing. Sometimes tugboats are pulling their big ol' cargo ship. The one I saw was towing a flat barge of railroad cars/cargo boxes.
(Kind of like this)
It simply reminded me of how much I choose to carry....how many burdens and sins I continually put on every day. Instead of choosing joy and daily laying my burdens down at our Father's feet, I load it up on the barge and tug it around.
I forget to seek forgiveness. I don't think to fight my sin with the Word.
Instead, I choose to haul it around like a kid with one of those yappy duck pull toys.
But y'all, our King is FOR us and He wants to take our burdens.
His yoke is easy and His burden is light (matthew 11:30).
So why do we continually wallow in our sin and keep it for ourselves?
We can't fight bitterness, jealousy, fear, etc on our own. We just can't!
And the best news? He is a God of forgiveness. So ask for it & feel that burden lifted. Today, I encourage you to taste forgiveness & feast on redemption*
Blessed are those whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. (romans 4:7)
The bottom line is this: We will fall short. But we don't have to walk around with that guilt & shame. We are redeemed. And that sin? That sin is gone. forgotten. forgiven.
No need to tug it around anymore.
love.
*tasting forgiveness by robbie seay band is a must-listen. (on his miracle album, which is a must-buy)