This week has been so jam-packed that I went to bad last night thinking that today would be Thursday. Our Missional Community meets at our place on Tuesdays so the fact that they were in our home should have helped regulate my crazy brain but it didn't.
My to-do list yesterday was insane and I was wiped - compleeeetely wiped - by 3 pm and a Dr. Pepper + Ellen Break didn't even spark more energy. Yet, I powered through and cleaned the entire house from 4-6ish ((homegirl even dusted the baseboards on the stairs)) and prepped the kitchen/some food for the meal we'd share with our MC. I got to the point at about 5:30 that I was so tired that all I wanted to do was sleep, but all I could do was tear up. It was kind of pathetic.
Thankfully, my heart wasn't in it's occasional Martha state, I was just exhausted in every use of the word.
I went to bed around 10:30 pm and woke up about every 15 minutes until midnight. I slept until 2 am, woke up to pee ((we're at about 3 times a night these days haha)) and then even though I was so tired, I was wide awake from then on. I was tossing and turning and since Chase had to wake up early and commute to Denver to head to seminary this morning... I decided to go downstairs and lay on the sofa. I just laid there, praying, and thinking and wondering why the cuss I couldn't fall back asleep.
Anywho, needless to say, when I got up out of bed this morning I felt that exhaustion ten-fold and my head was pounding. All I could do was grab my phone and go straight to my Bible Ap//She Reads Truth reading for the morning. I needed the Word. I craved it. He was the only thing that was going to get me through today ((I'm somehow not always aware of that))...and maybe He'd use some caffeine to help along the way ;)
The passage and devotional I read this morning wasn't about being tired or working hard. It wasn't relevant to this story at all, actually...but I'm just in this place of desperation for the Lord and this gal likes to be self-sufficient and do things on her own so it's a welcomed change. ;)
I am not naive enough to not be aware that being this super tired thing & lack of sleep situation is just the beginning of motherhood. I know I have many uncomfortable & restless nights ahead of me. I just see my heart changing from trying to accomplish things on my own accord & depending on myself towards leaning on Him more and needing His word like water. It's been a while since that has been the case and I'm so thankful that the Lord is meeting me where I'm at.
Two verses came to mind as I typed out all of this nonsense & I simply want to encourage you with them.
On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God.
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
I'm praying that if you're having the same kind of week as me that you would find your refuge in God. Your to-do list will inevitably not get completely scratched off and your day will, of course, not go completely as planned. You might even have to reheat your coffee an obscure number of times before you get to finish it.
It's okay. Breathe. Seek His face. Run to Him. Lay your burdens and stresses down. He will give you rest.