Friday, March 8, 2013

on why i'm not confirming you as a friend on facebook

Well that sounded rude, didn't it? Sorry about that. 

I typically ignore friend requests on facebook. I don't have the app on my phone so when I log on, that's, for some reason, the last thing on my mind. I checked it recently and I was overwhelmed by all the unfamiliar names. Why are you friend requesting me? Who are you?? Then I reread the names and although still unfamililar, for the most part, I recognized their photos from twitter avatars and blog "profile" photos. I was receiving friend requests from readers, other bloggers and other handmade shop owners that I've purchased something from or chatted with on twitter. I clicked ignore. 

Chase is the complete opposite. He'll friend request people just because they have a mutual friend. It makes me cringe....but it's different for us. Our personalities are different and our areas of influence are different.

In light of that,  I wanted to explain a little bit about why I keep my Facebook for personal, "real life," I actually know you relationships. 

Because of the online nature of my blog and handmade business, a LOT of my life is public. I instagram multiple times a day. I tweet endless times a day (oops). I enjoy feeling connected, I really do, or else I'd shut this thing down in a heartbeat. I often feel as though my Facebook is the only place that I can keep up with friends & family without so much noise. Sometimes I like logging onto facebook because it's QUIET compared to twitter and pinterest. No one is promoting themselves. It's real life and not lucrative. It's more lighthearted. It keeps me connected to Texas, to my beloved Texas A&M, to people I grew up with in some strange way. 

I don't feel like I'm on a platform on Facebook. Sure, my words absolutely still matter, but I don't feel like there are thousands of people waiting to pick me apart. It's people who take me at face value because they've known me the longest..and that's the thing - they know me. They know my crazy, energizer, used to do stupid skits during pep rallies and at fish camp side and they know my introverted, I'd rather stay at home and cook dinner than go to someone's house and watch the Bachelor with a bunch of chatty girls side. They know that I used to be a freaking stuck up legalist/pharisee that thought I was better than everyone else because I followed the "rules" and most of them know what a front that was. They had grace with me in those times. Some of them made me break rules, haha. I love them for that. 

It gets deeper than that too - earlier this summer I thought I miscarried ((I actually still don't know and that post is still in draft form)). I didn't want that to be public at the time because emotionally I just didn't know how to handle it. Now, I didn't put it on facebook and ask for prayer because of all the confusion in my mind & body - but if I was going to ask publicly for prayer it would have been from those people. Not because your prayers are less meaningful...but because at that time, I would have needed the people who have been there and seen me through all my dirt -- not just my photoshop filtered baking disasters -- and they would know how to encourage me. They'd pick up their phones and text me a prayer they were praying over me, not just tweet me a Bible verse ((which I don't want to down play, but you know what I'm saying.))

Our baby announcement went public on Facebook first, because that makes sense, right? I can't text every person from college and tell them, "hey! i'm knocked up!" - but I felt like people who I cheered with, who saw me have braces & bangs at the same time, who didn't tell me I was dumb for wearing fall out boy tshirts & converses...people who distracted me at Sweet Eugenes when I was studying, who were in my fish camps, organizations, and small groups at church back in College Station should know before all the strangers that read my blog. I need a place for that. 

Now, there are a few exceptions to this, of course. Most of those are because I've made a heart connection with some of you. I've asked you for prayer. You've asked the same of me. You've shared heartache and I've been heartbroken for you. We've collaborated and worked together on a project. You know my heart. We e-mail or text on (at least) a weekly basis. After reading this post, I was super convicted of keeping my online friends and my real life friends in separate boxes. After all, I will be meeting a bunch of you in September at the Influence Conference and many of you will transition into that "real life" bubble of mine. That's going to be hard for me. It's hard for me to let people in. I'm working on it.

It's not that I don't like you when I click "ignore." I don't think twice when other bloggers accept everyone and interact with them on facebook as they do on twitter or their blog. It's just that I feel that I put enough of my life "out there" for the world to see and I need a little space in this social media addicted world. Thanks for understanding :)



  1. Hi Kim, this may or may not be the best post to put this on.. But I think I've been following you for a while? Not sure, blogger gets so darn confusing and I lose blogs I'd love to read every day. Insert bloglovin' and it's amazingness.

    First, I guess I should say -- I completely agree with your post. Word for word. Your private life is something that's important to you, and others should respect that.

    Second, I'm an Aggie, and I haven't ever seen another Aggie's blog before.. my heart skipped a beat when I read my beloved Texas A&M. So, I'm not sure how long I've been "following" you, but I'm now reaaaaally excited to actually follow you girl.

    Third, I'm now going to do a ton of creeping on your blog. Hope you don't mind.

    kristina in retroworter

    ps. I heart sweet eugene's.

  2. I totally agree with you. We are so connected everywhere, that we start to not have a little private moment. And... I think you do what you want. You want to have a private facebook only for you, you do that. No one can denied that to you :) And it's a good thing. I think it shows that you have yourself well treated. :)


    Sofia G

  3. YESSSSSSS. I could have written this (seems like I'm saying that a lot lately.. ha). I feel the same way about wanting to keep a small space of my online life a little more intimate. Right there with ya.

  4. Hi Kim! I am the exact same way! I like to keep my Facebook as private as possible, while my boyfriend will befriend anybody. He says I'm "rude" but I think you and I both understand that privacy is hard to find these days. Everything is posted on the internet and being a fellow blogger we initiate it most of the time but it's nice to have a space where you control who sees your life. Thanks for the post!

  5. i think this makes total sense. my blog is small, but i still won't be opening my FB up for public friend requests either. i don't even have a FB for my blog, i think some things need to be private and just for real life friends. seems totally logical to me :)

  6. I completely agree with this post. I have a separate (private) FB account that I only keep up with friends and family on. I have a separate blog FB page and I aim to keep it that way. I also totally get that FB is less "noisy". While still full of stuff, it's stuff from people I know and that know me.

  7. I totally agree with you and I would say the same thing if I was in your situation. I would say more, but I think you said it all so beautifully! :)

  8. yes, although i want to be real and make my readers feel at home on my blog, i reserve my facebook private and personal for my real friends. i think crossing that line, there would be no real privacy and no sanctity if you will, for your real family life. i agree 100%

  9. This is perfect; exactly how I feel, too.

  10. good for you chica! :) i enjoy your honesty SO so much. You are super cute preggers too. Thanks for sharing!

    Barbie F.

  11. Wow, I really enjoyed reading this post! I think it helped me understand you, as a person more! I think it is great how you want things to be separate! You should have that right to keep things private, and share with close friends, and family :) Thanks for sharing this with your blog world:)

    Love reading your blogging :) Have a Blesses day!

    Eli <3

  12. This is such a beautiful, thoughtful post–three cheers for keeping parts of your life private (when did we all stop craving a little intimacy, anyway?) and for being able to express that desire so perfectly.

  13. Thank you for being so genuine. I truly love following you. You are an amazing writer.
    Xoxo dd

  14. Agreed! These days, when so much is just "out there" on the internet, you, and all bloggers, reserve the right to have a place that is personal, private.

  15. I really like how you worded this post and your reasoning behind what you said. It is nice to have one place that is for the people you really know in this world, the ones that have seen you grow up and know your real life, not just your blog life. This was interesting and gave me food for thought:)

  16. yep yep yep.
    why i never share MY real job.
    why i have TWO twitter accounts (nerd over here)
    why i don't list my last name.

    also, i am still working through the fact that i don't want some of my real life friends to EVEN know that I have a blog... but that's a whole 'nother can of worms...

  17. I totally understand what you are saying in this post. I don't have facebook at all for some of the reasons you mentioned. But I have instagram and I absolutely feel it is more real life vs. lucrative-driven. I will be going through my instagram shortly to delete people I feel are overly promoting things I have zero interest in. Its nice to have a "quiet" social outline. And to each her own, really. Ignore away, friend!

  18. I am so with you! I do the Facebook for real friends thing too. Some people get really upset about it... Oh gosh people.... It's social media, calm down!

    Kate from Clear the Way

  19. I totally agree with you. Only the 'friends' I have on Facebook, are people that I actually know. Not that having strangers as friends is bad. If you want more friends, then that's great. But for me, I would rather read news feeds, or updates, from people I know, then who I don't know.
    Although, if I have an online friend and I become close to, and want he/she as a facebook friend, then that's okay with me.
    But I'm glad you keep a part of your life separate from your blog/twitter and stuff. It's good to keep some part of your life just for you.

  20. I could not agree with you more on the facebook thing. My husband was kind of busting on me the other day for the "small number" of friends I have on facebook. But that, for some reason, feels like my only JUST ME space. My not-blogger, non-instagrammer, non-in-public-eye place, as weird as that sounds. He doesn't get it. At all. I totally get it. And have many unanswered (ignored?) friend requests. (sorry for comment bombing btw ;))


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