Tuesday, September 24, 2013

an autumnal outfit & some real talk


I've felt the attacks of the enemy in what seems to be every waking moment in the past three weeks. I sincerely believe it's partly because I'm going to teach strategy with a focus on the gospel with some women this weekend at Influence. Satan knows what's up. He knows I'm going to speak truth into these women's lives. I want our blogs to be online spaces that point to Him when so many are not. I want them to be salt & light. He's threatened. By putting strains on my health, our finances, our marriage, relationships, my energy levels and sleep (or lack there of), my home, and mode of transportation, Satan is crippling me. He knows how to knock me down and make me doubt the goodness of God. He makes me live in fear of what terrible thing will happen next. 

Yesterday, the cooler weather set in and I decided to trade my iced coffee for a warm drink. With a white chocolate mocha + a dash of cinnamon, a sleeping babe in the backseat, and the radio turned off, I cruised around the rural parts on the outskirts of Boulder. I drove with nowhere to go, praying, confessing to God my unbelief and doubt. I drove around talking with God as though He was (He is!) a friend who I felt wronged me (He didn't)...telling Him that I'm mad at my circumstances. I'm angry with how this month that was supposed to be joy-filled and jam-packed with goodness turned into a stressful, chaotic, season of suffering. I told Him that although the Bible says we're considered blessed to be worthy of suffering for the sake of the Gospel, that we're supposed to count it all as joy - that it sure feels like punishment...and counting it all as joy seems impossible right now. 

I didn't know what else to pray for, except to close it with a plea for peace as I drove up to our home. I prayed for peace and a constant posture of gratitude. I don't know if I feel it yet, but I'll keep praying for it because I don't know what else I can do. The second I stop asking for it and stop fighting,  the second I lose my joy - the enemy wins. To that, I say, "Screw that. I'm not a quitter." 

I hope that other women going to Influence aren't feeling the same attacks, defeat and discouragement...but if I had my guess - they are. My prayer is that we would be women who suffer well and look for places that we can find joy and peace amidst all the chaos. Our God is triumphant and we will celebrate that this weekend.

Sweater - Target last year
((also styled here and here))

Rejoice in hope, be patient during tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12:12



love.


20 comments:

  1. This outfit just says fall to me - I love it. And I love that Bible verse - such truth in it!

    -Chelsea
    chelsandthecity.blogspot.com

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  2. I love your honesty and transparency with how the evil one secretly ties to destroy our faith. Prayers for a better day for you... keep the faith!

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  3. Just what I needed to hear this morning...you put into words perfectly how I've been feeling over the past few weeks. Attacked by the enemy. Letting myself believe his lies, and comparing myself to others...thank you for the reminder to be praying for peace and a posture of gratitude (I love that part!) I will be praying for you for strength and clarity of thought/word this weekend as you share His word with the ladies at Influence - totally wish I could be there!!

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  4. Thank you for this post! It was exactly what I needed to hear! Satan has really been attacking the last month or so in my life as well, but it's so good that we have such an awesome and loving God that lets us remember exactly what we are fighting for! Sometimes I wish Missouri was just a little bit closer to Colorado because I would love just to sit, drink coffee and talk about just how wonderful God is with you! :-). Awesome fall outfit by the way!

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  5. Hey Kim! Thank you for sharing and using your blog today for exactly like you said, to proclaim the Gospel! I know spiritual attacks and doubts are prevalent in so many of our walks and I appreciate your honesty and sincerity. The verse I've been treasuring lately is, "Take Heart, for I have overcome the world" (said by Jesus)! I hope this week goes better for you =)

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  6. I'm sorry to hear you are so stressed. Just remember...this to shall pass!
    P.S. your outfit is adorbes!

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  7. I'm not going to influence this year (went last year, you will have a blast!), but I've been going through some hard times lately. I've been getting attacked by the enemy every place he finds my weaknesses, but I will not give up and I will rejoice in The Lord! May we rejoice together and not allow the hard stuff get us down. God is good!

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  8. Love hearing your heart! Kim. Praying for peace for you and your little clan of 3. I look forward to hearing (reading) how the Gospel is proclaimed at Influence and through bloggers you and other ladies influence (ha, didn't mean to do that. slap the knee.) and encourage during your time there. Since E was born I have been meditating on John 10:10 often. I am so quick to forget that God is good and the enemy, the thief, Satan is at war trying to steal the abundant life he Has already given us through the cross! And yes, as others have said...cute outfit. Fall needs to come to Texas asap.

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    1. just read that and see oh so many grammar errors. i'm an aggie and currently have no coffee mom brain. gig em.

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  9. I've had similar experiences lately, so I sort of know how you feel. Fortunately, those one-on-one conversations with God always seem to leave me at more peace that I ever was before. My favorite part of this post was reading your hopes and dreams for this blogging community--to point others to Him and for our blogs to be the salt and light. Praying for you as you prepare for Influence Conf. (so wish I was going!) and praying that your blog would continue to shine His light just as it has been all this time! :)

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  10. SOMEDAY we're going to have a car date through the outskirts of Boulder TOGETHER. That would bless my heart and soul so much. (When my girls were younger, ESPECIALLY when it was just me and Iris, I always pulled the "car trick." Those are sweet memories.)

    What a testimony you have; what a testimony this post is; what a testimony it is that you can recognize attacks and speak openly about spiritual warfare. Big things will come from you at that conference, and Satan's going to wonder why he thought his attacks would stop you from doing God's work. Saying a little prayer for you.

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  11. Thank you for this post! It kind of feels like I'm struggling to look forward to the conference at this point--but I'm holding to the truth that this is a good thing!

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  12. when i drive i talk to God too... out loud... some times in anger, and sometimes in frustration and i love that He can handle it, you know? He is there and He takes our fears, our doubts, our struggles in stride and then some. He is so much bigger than anything, even and especially the one who seeks to bring us down.

    I am overwhelmed, overworked and near tears with stress too... i am excited to go to the influence conference but a tiny voice is saying to me: "you are not good enough to share anything. you are too busy. you have nothing to say-- it'd be better to stay home, to get things done."

    i'm trying to just lean in more and more to His power. Today I read this in Spurgeon's Morning & Evening devotion: "It is a most blessed ting to have no props and no buttresses, but to stand upright on the Rock of Ages, upheld by the Lord alone."

    Honestly, I feel like I have no buttresses, no props-- and that's scary-- but I am trying to believe that I can stand firmly on the Rock without fear.

    This was a rambling comment. But basically to sum it up, praying for you, and excited to give you a hug to encourage you that you are NOT alone in this.

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  13. "I want our blogs to be online spaces that point to Him when so many are not. I want them to be salt & light."

    This is my sincere prayer and one of the reasons I have worked so hard to attend Influence. I want to be surrounded by women who are committed to making our online spaces a true reflection of His goodness in our lives. Thanks for this reminder.

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  14. You've got this girl! Don't let the feeling defeat get your spirit down.The Lord is with you and he will guide you through it all.

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  15. I am humbled by your perseverance through all your recent struggles. I pray for a more restful, settled October for you and your family.

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  16. this is so cool, and the outfit is adorable! you make a great christian hipster! :)

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  17. So true! I've been feeling defeated lately too and just wrote a post about it. I need to keep focused on the Truth. Thanks for sharing!

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  18. Such an encouraging post! Thank you for sharing this!!!

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