Tuesday, September 10, 2013

piles in my heart

What kind of cleaner are you? Do you lean towards the OCD side - cleaning every nook and cranny and making sure everything is in tip top shape? Or are you like me - a pile maker - vaccuuming and ((rarely)) dusting, but only tidying what can be seen, making piles to give the illusion of a tidy house? 

((don't get me wrong - I clean the kitchen and bathroom like crazy. but the living room and our bedroom? a totally different story)) anywho.

If you're like me, before you know it - there is a ginormous pile on the kitchen island that we for some reason turned into a bar, a medium pile on the dining table that when dinnertime rolls around usually get placed onto the pile that is on or under the coffee table in the living room. All of a sudden your home has morphed into piles of bills that need to be paid, letters, magazines, Joann flyers that you keep because Oh! I could use that coupon! ((but you never remember them)), catalogs that you won't ever thumb through, grocery lists and meal planning calendars that need to be hung on the fridge, and to-do lists for the week and some from last week if we're real with each other. 

No one call hoarders just yet, we eventually just take it all to the recycling bin and pretend it never happened...but that's neither here nor there.

I'm realizing this is a part of my personality and is also a direct reflection of my spiritual life. I tend to be  fairly "out of sight, out of mind." Part of that is a coping mechanism that I feel I've developed to make it easier to be away from family ((it doesn't really work)). Part of it is a way I deflect hurt feelings and grudges that could develop. I distract myself and just "get over it" without really dealing with the heart of the matter. 

Where it becomes dangerous is when I see sin in my heart that I don't want to deal with. A grudge here, some pride there, an idol or two thrown in every  now and then fairly often, anxiety and worry taking over. What I should be doing is falling to my knees, realizing the error of my ways and being broken for the gross stuff in my heart. I should be repenting...but I make a pile in my heart of all these things -- I'll get to them later, I tell myself. I'll do some journaling and spend some time in prayer when I have time and deal with it all then

I love Paul's plea to the Philippians about taking sin seriously in a messed up world.

Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. 
Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the Word of Life, so that in the day of Christ I maybe proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain. 
Philippians 2:12-17

I pray that we have a sense of urgency to make things right with our Maker. That we may take sin seriously and be honest with ourselves about the piles of sin that we've stacked up in our hearts to "sort through later." That we don't waste another second being halfway caught up with that something hurtful that someone said to us or just cataloging our idols that we've built for ourselves pretending that they aren't misplaced affections that are intended for God. At the end of the day, our piles of sin are paid for. They've already been addressed on the cross. So why are we pretending they don't exist? Soak in the truth that ignoring that sin won't make it go away, but Jesus has taken care of it. Be quick to repent, not leaving unconfessed sin stacked into piles in your heart, and recognize that the ransom has been paid. Thank God for that gift of a clean slate. 

Now if only the pile under my coffee table would be that easy to get rid of. ((wink))



  1. oh my gosh. this is me. you've described me. this post has revealed some of my own heart to me... and just as I was beginning to feel like a crappy person, you reminded me that those "piles" are paid for. no guilt. no condemnation.

    I'm learning this lesson too these days apparently. :)

  2. I definitely relate to this! Thanks for sharing, Kim. Your honesty inspires and challenges me.

  3. Oh, I am a piler all day long. Great analogy!

  4. Thank you for this post today :)

  5. Thank you for this-- I can relate in so many ways, from the paper piles to the piles of pride in my heart.

  6. straight to the heart woman! I know that I have been SOOO bitter lately about a friendship and it's just making me an icky person. And God is really poking at me to get rid of it. A dear friend just texted me to tell me, basically, to let God in and do some rearranging in my heart and so i'm slowly unclenching fingers and letting him in.

    but is it just me or is it so easy to hold onto things, to hide things? ugh. what is that. wait, i know, SIN.

  7. I'm a total pile maker and totally relate to this in my spiritual life too. Thanks for the reminder to deal with the ugly head on and quickly, rather than pushing it aside for later.

  8. This is such a heart felt post, and I'm also the type to make save things for an undetermined later. "Oh, I'll get to it during prayer before bed. Oh, I'll wait to read my bible in the morning. I'll talk to God later." It's running and hiding, at heart. Fear and trembling meaning it's not pleasant, and it's not fun.
    Thanks for sharing something about the piles in your heart, Kim.


comments are fun. leave one if it's nice.